I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
