my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
