it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
