Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
