Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
