Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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