have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
