I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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