CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
