If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
