Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
