You can't motorboat a personality
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
worst night to have a conscience
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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