It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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