its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
