Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
