we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
