i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
