Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
