i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
