I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
