He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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