i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
