So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
