you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
