Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
