worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
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