Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize