Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
