So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
