Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
