Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
