My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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