May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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