Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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