i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
