I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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