Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think your dad took our porno
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
