I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
