i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
