He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
