Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
