I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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