Who wears a wallet chain?!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
