fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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