My hand turned me down
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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