I'm gonna have a badass scar
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
