Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
