Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
