i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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