508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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