I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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