umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
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Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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