yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
