How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
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he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
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You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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