she's into porn, im staying here tonight
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
