3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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