I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
