I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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