So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
