I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
