under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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