so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
And then he peed in my hair
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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