you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
