you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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