I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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