Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize