Umm I'm too high to move.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
