There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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