I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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