just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
