he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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