I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
