Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's shark week go big or go home
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
