Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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